Let me explain to you why I believe confidence is the key to happiness, and how it can make your life a brighter, happier place.
As a Soulful Confidence Coach, it’s really important for me to take notice of those not only in my immediate circle but the people around it too.
I pay great attention to the traits and characteristics that I see in my clients, friends, colleagues and even other coaches. Being able to analyse and understand how people are wired, what makes them tick and how they handle everything life throws at them is crucial. It helps me to nail down what makes someone’s confidence shine above others.
It’s almost like some people have this effortless ease about themselves. But where does this come from?
What makes them so magnetic? So attractive? It must be magic, right?
I’d like to try and break it down a little more for you here, so that you too can learn ways to not just feel but BE more confident. It’s so achievable for you too.
I believe that the biggest characteristic of feeling confident is TRUST.
🌟 Trust in YOURSELF
🌟 Trust in LIFE
🌟 Trust in THE UNIVERSE
When we move through life feeling centered and trusting ourselves, instead of constantly seeking external validation at every point, we start to experience peace and confidence.
Trusting in your own power is what confidence is all about.
Basing your self-worth on external factors is what will typically drag your confidence down.
So, here are my top four tips to help you find that trust within yourself and to become fully-centered.
The more needy you are, the less attractive to others you become. Remember that.
I’ve noticed this in my friendships, relationships and even more recently with the new people I’ve met in Bali over the last few weeks.
In my past, whenever I’ve constantly needed someone else’s validation or their approval, it’s ended up spoiling the dynamic of the relationship. You see it time and time again. One person becomes codependent of the other and it can really throw your balance out.
For a moment, I want to invite you to close your eyes and reflect on how you show up in your relationships and friendships.
How have all of these behaviors served you so far?
When we centre our energy around ourselves, people really start to notice They will be drawn to you. Remember those shiny, happy people we mentioned at the start of this blog? You’ll end up becoming just like them – you’ll radiate positivity.
If you’re wondering where these behaviour usually originate, needing someone’s validation and trying to make others happy generally stems from our childhood. Sometimes as children, we may have felt like we needed to gain our parents’ approval in order to make them happy. Our survival, love and acceptance was solely dependent on these types of approval, hence why this behaviour became ingrained in our subconscious. So, it’s hardly surprising that as adults, it shows up in all of our relationships even though it’s no longer necessary. You’re trying to undo an entire childhood of reinforcement.
First of all, I need you to let go of the belief that: “I am broken” or “There’s something wrong with me”.
If we think this, we send that message out into the world and then attract partners or friendships that don’t actually choose us.
If we don’t believe that we are worthy, we will constantly settle for less than we deserve. We compromise and then settle – on repeat. If you are always trying to be accepted by someone else, you are not really seeing your own worth or allowing others to see it either.
Start looking inward, digging deep into your shadow – looking at the parts of you that you may not necessarily favor (and are either hiding or seeking validation from others) and work on accepting them completely and unconditionally. Shadow or shame can only survive in the dark.
Flip on that internal switch and shine a light on them. When you start bringing it into the light, acknowledging and then accepting it, it can’t thrive anymore. Accepting those not so lovable parts of yourself will help you take back your power and this is a big revolutionary step when it comes to growing your confidence.
Take time to notice what’s around you.
Stop judging other people around you, especially your friends and the people you’re dating. At the same time, stop judging yourself. Shift your focus from all those things that you believe to be wrong around you to all that’s bright and beautiful.
So many girlfriends of mine have admitted to having a checklist for what they require in their ideal partner. For me, this is something I couldn’t disagree with more. Keeping a checklist and having excessive rules can destroy real connections and intimacy. You are potentially blocking wonderful people and experiences from entering your life by setting expectations like these and placing judgment on others without even knowing them. You are sending negative energy out into the universe and people can feel that.
A simple and easy solution to this is to SMILE more.
It’s a big confidence secret that has always worked with me and helped me create connections anywhere and everywhere. Laugh, smile and be the bright light that you are!
Everywhere I go, people tell me that I have such a smiling face. This is my intention, I smile because I’m genuinely focusing on the goodness around me and my life.
Confident people are not scared to face their insecurities.
They are very aware of themselves and are not afraid to be vulnerable. With this awareness, they also get the perfect opportunity to reframe themselves. They are constantly pushing themselves outside their comfort zone in order to grow and expand.
Your insecurity is only a flaw if you think it’s a flaw. If you own it, no one perceives it that way. I’ve done this with my height, foot, accent and so many other things over the last few years. If I’m short and I’ve owned it, people are either nice about it or don’t say anything. But every time I’ve felt self-conscious about it, I’ve felt others withdraw their energy.
Trust me, there’s nothing more attractive than seeing someone who can truly be themselves completely and be vulnerable about it.
People who get repelled by this vulnerability have a lot of work to do on themselves, so they may not be your people anyway.
Now don’t get me wrong, writing all this down doesn’t mean that I’ve nailed confidence. I still have my days and times when things come up and I have to deal with them in-the-moment. But I am not scared to face my shadow, my insecurities or being alone anymore and I’m ready to put in the work. In fact, I’ve embarked on a solo two month trip to Bali to really dig into the parts of myself that need some further work.
As we uplevel, our challenges will also uplevel… it’s all about committing to yourself, to this work and your own self-discovery. Growth is for the rest of your life. It is something we have the opportunity to embrace and use to make our future a better place. You just have to be brave enough to put in the work, believe me you won’t regret it.
There are some wonderful meditations out there. I came across this one that some of you may like to listen to – a Meditation for trusting Yourself.
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Chat soon xx
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I am a Soulful Confidence Coach on a mission to help ambitious, driven women unearth their limiting beliefs and step into their power. I work with women who are are ready to shatter their fears and self-doubt so they can express themselves confidently at work and in relationships.
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