Let’s think on that question for a second…
How can I learn to love myself?
I’m going to share something with you that some people sadly never realise during their time on this beautiful planet.
It’s a common misconception that being loved by others is way more important than loving ourselves.
In fact, self-love is the single biggest gift that you can give to yourself. It ignites inner wellbeing, elevates your mental health and promotes so much positivity that you literally become a beacon of light for others. There is also something extremely attractive and inspiring about someone who loves themselves unconditionally. Not in a self-centered or egotistical way, but genuine love and respect – it radiates outwards and acts like a magnet. You’ve almost certainly met someone like this and don’t they just shine?
But, learning to love yourself like this is no easy feat. I wanted to share some of my most heartfelt advice today, because this is a big one to get right. And it could completely transform your life.
When we’re seeking out a lover, yearning for the perfect partner, praying for that one thing that will undoubtedly make us whole, but we don’t yet love ourselves, we’re already starting off on the wrong foot. We’re embarking on a journey that will have us going around in circles until we’re dizzy or exhausted. Broken relationships, toxic rebounds–same story but different partners… it becomes a pattern until you step back, acknowledge it, and ultimately break it.
If we find it difficult, uncomfortable or hard work to love the person that we are right now, how can we expect someone else to give us the love and respect that we so desperately crave and deserve? Why would we put that on another human being? We’re setting them up to fail. It’s nobody else’s responsibility to love, fix or heal us. That’s all on us. That’s our responsibility as an individual.
Let me tell you the one biggest piece of advice that I give to anyone beginning on this journey. Those who are really wanting to improve their relationships, whether they are romantic or platonic. First and foremost, get to know who you are, inside and out!
Hold on in there and just dig deep. You owe that to yourself and any future relationships.
It’s funny how many times I’ve heard people say things like:
All of these things typically occur because they feel uncomfortable in their own company. Being alone can no doubt feel lonely at times but it doesn’t have to. After all, you can be in a room full of people and feel just as lonely as if you are in a room all on your own.
Learning to do things in solitude can bring about a feeling of contentment, reduce stress and helps us to avoid things like burnout. It gives us space to be in the here and now, allows us to find peace in the moment and gives us time to focus on the things that make us tick.
Allow yourself some time to think about these things. Here’s an invitation to grab a pen + pad and journal on these questions.
✨ What triggers you?
✨ Why do you react to things like you do?
✨ What do you love about yourself?
✨ What is your shadow that you’re trying to suppress?
✨What do you judge yourself for? — getting angry, being anxious, messy, confused or slow?
✨ What are you avoiding facing about yourself?
✨ Who are you without your parents, friends or partner defining you?
✨ Where can you be more compassionate with yourself?
Give yourself time to really think through the questions and answer them honestly. If it seems a little overwhelming to do it all at once, try to answer just one each day. Write down how those answers make you feel and what emotions they bring up. How do they physically make you feel? Note those feelings down too.
I penned some thoughts on how to practice self-love daily in another blog post. Something I’ve learned through my own journey of discovery and growth is that all of these things take practice. Practice makes progress and if you can start incorporating these things into your daily routine, little by little, they’ll become ingrained habits that you don’t even think about.
Show yourself compassion, kindness and embrace every single part of who you are. Life gets 1000x better when you understand that the love and validation that you seek from others is the love and validation that you need to give yourself!
Love yourself, love your own company. There is no one else like you, you are a queen!
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this blog topic, especially if you decide to work through the journal prompts. You’re welcome to drop a comment below or find me over on Instagram. My DMs are always open.
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I am a Soulful Confidence Coach on a mission to help ambitious, driven women unearth their limiting beliefs and step into their power. I work with women who are are ready to shatter their fears and self-doubt so they can express themselves confidently at work and in relationships.
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